"What I am thinking and doing day by day is resistlessly shaping my future - a future in which there is no expiation except through my own better conduct. No one can save me. No one can live my life for me. if I am wise I shall begin today to build my own truer and better world from within." - H. W. Dresser

Just caught on me how alot of us tend to want to do alot of things but end up doing nothing. We blame it on our tight schedules, our parents who don't give us the opportunity, stress load, say that we'll do it another day, but really - what are we doing with our lives now?

I'm talking about the usual sense of emptiness where we all sit around groan about work we do all day, complain about the sh*t we have to face cold and alone in this cruel world where no one gets the pain and angst we feel. But perhaps its time to ask the more pertinent question - what do we want to do with our lives?

I am not proud to say that many a time I have forgotten how fortunate I am. Was just this random conversation going on in class talking about who does housework, when it occured to me how much we undertake studying as our sole responsibility, if not us then our parents. How they too love us so much, they allow us to forgo the once daily rituals that children do - help out with the housework, do the groceries - the way they take for granted we need all this time for studying, we take for granted their love. And perhaps its just along those lines where gradually it is because of the idea of studying that somehow meddles with our brain too - making us believe that all we are made to do, or at least for now, is to study.

But what if we get bored? What if we get tired? No one ever told us what we could do. In that sense, other than studying, we become goal-less. We start watching TV, going out, going to school only to wait for the next weekend or holiday. And so gradually, the idea of studying, too, loses its appeal to daily cries of "I hate school, why am I even here?" (or the likes of). Somehow talking to Sih Im and Celest at RJ the other day, we were conversing about a random incident of a guy who refuses to go to school because he felt he wasn't learning enough, and so we came to the conclusion that "even though going to school is crap, its part of the process that everyone goes through."

The thing is, with all the other goals set in front of us - to do well, to perform outstandingly well in the A levels - we forget about the goals that matter, our goals. What we want as a person, not what other people want of us. And the thing is, its precisely those goals that eventually give you the drive to go through the crap in life, come out with droppings all over your face but still feel like a winner.

The funny thing is, alot of us take goals to be really huge ideals, dreams and aspirations that we haven't really thought through. But in fact, goals are just targets to reach every day. Whether its finishing 2 worksheets then blogging for an hour before enjoying the rest of your day or simply sitting down and arranging your desk, its still something you want to be done that can be done.

Its hard to say this for everyone - but when you start to lose faith - try thinking back to the time where you had those "To Do" lists and have that sense of satisfaction for every tick you check in the box. Because it's only then that you find the satisfaction in the small little things, it's only then that you structure your life to be what you want it to be, it's only then that you really enjoy the ride while you're on it.

Labels: Thoughts